The critic blurb on the front of the VHS cover of The Forsaken reads “Terrifying! The sexiest vampire movie since ‘The Lost Boys’!” Having never watched The Lost Boys, I can’t say much about that except perhaps there haven’t been any sexy vampire movies between 1987 and 2001. I find that hard to believe.
AKA New Alcatraz.
First off, holy crap. The last time I did a CYNHO was April 2014, meaning it’s been almost a full year since my last one.
Boa (originally named New Alcatraz because… some fucker thought people might give a damn about the prison setting) is a direct-to-video movie starring Dean Cain. It was made fresh off the heels of made-for-TV movie Python, hoping to capitalize on its… success?
I almost didn’t get around to this because I thought it was another “disqualified” tape. As it turns out, the problem was with the connection between my VCR and the tuner. And also because of how terrible the quality of the actual tape was.
Yeah, that certainly couldn’t have helped.
Anyway, despite being headed by someone actually famous, this makes the “Crap You’ve Never Heard Of” section because I’m willing to bet you’ve never heard of it, much less watched it. And so, my review of the 1977 film…
Okay, so I bought a bunch of B-movies recently, increasing my VHS load considerably. I have no regrets. And if there’s one thing you can count on to be B-quality, it’s ninjas.
It’s been a long time since I touched on live-action, but I just couldn’t help it. When I saw this on the racks at The Beat, I knew I was in for something special.
After looking at the previews before the movie, I can only come to the conclusion that the film makers, Dead Alive Productions, are the most brilliant people in the universe. They seem to have struck an amazing balance that makes them the perfect B-movie makers ever. Spectacularly low-budget, bad in every aspect of film, and takes the project seriously enough that you can’t mistake it for being a parody.
And so I reveal to you the piece of crap known only as…