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SacAnime Summer 2017
I MET DAVI F’N SANTOS!
Another Sac Anime in the books. This time I tried to branch out a bit, but ended up pigeonholing myself in another way. Overall though, I’d say this event was a success.
Pardon the Mess
This blog is currently moving from an old host to a new one. Things will be a bit messy for a few days.
Hentai Hump-Day! Cream Lemon Ep. 21 of 40: Dream-Colored Bunny
It was only a matter of time until I resorted to Cream Lemon episodes to save time again.
Oh hey, here’s something I didn’t realize: the very first Hentai Hump-Day was posted January 28, 2015. Which means it’s been a full year of Hentai Hump-Day! WHOOOOOOO!
I really should get around to some of the other titles I’ve been meaning to cover, but schedules, yo.
Anyway, we’ve had a nice run of creepy Cream Lemon episodes, so it’s time for one of those crazy off-base ones. Here’s Dream-Colored Bunny!
What else did you think this was going to be about?
D50 Watches Crap You’ve Never Heard Of: The Forsaken
The critic blurb on the front of the VHS cover of The Forsaken reads “Terrifying! The sexiest vampire movie since ‘The Lost Boys’!” Having never watched The Lost Boys, I can’t say much about that except perhaps there haven’t been any sexy vampire movies between 1987 and 2001. I find that hard to believe.
Is there any further meaning to this title? Nope. Just a generic vampire title.
D50 Watches Crap You’ve Never Heard Of: Boa
AKA New Alcatraz.
First off, holy crap. The last time I did a CYNHO was April 2014, meaning it’s been almost a full year since my last one.
Boa (originally named New Alcatraz because… some fucker thought people might give a damn about the prison setting) is a direct-to-video movie starring Dean Cain. It was made fresh off the heels of made-for-TV movie Python, hoping to capitalize on its… success?
I was just going to scan the VHS cover I had, but then I saw this Turkish DVD cover. I can’t top that. I just can’t.
D50 watches crap you’ve never heard of: Jill the Ripper
I apologize for how late this review is. I had a busy weekend, and I needed to put a little extra effort into making the video I’m closing this with.
Wonderful title card. We know exactly what to expect.
I’m not entirely sure what I was expecting out of Jill the Ripper. The idea of a movie starring Dolph Lundgren going anywhere near the topic of S&M should have elicited some pretty awful images in my mind, thus preparing me for them. I failed to make the connection early enough, so I was not quite ready. Not quite ready at all.
D50 watches crap you’ve never heard of: Captain America II – Death Too Soon.
First of all, I would like to reassure you that I will be doing a review of Jill the Ripper starring Dolph Lundgren this weekend. I actually watched it first, but the potential timing for THIS review couldn’t possibly be better.
For the longest time, Captain America was thought of as kind of a joke. Among other comic superheroes, he was always pretty weak in comparison, with nothing more than a shield to set him apart. This movie does nothing to change that image.
I was surprised to learn that this was NOT a crappy sequel to the 1990 Captain America movie. It was a crappy sequel to an even earlier Captain America movie that I never watched. I can’t imagine I’m missing much.
And FYI, the period in the title is supposed to be there. This is Captain America II – Death Too Soon.
NES Mega Man has nothing on this.
D50 watches crap you’ve never heard of: Detonator II – Night Watch
Dat everything.
When I saw this at the Rasputin’s in Fairfield, I knew I just had to get it. You have that cheesy scope replacing the O in Detonator, the title being overlaid with a generic explosion, that tagline that’s an obvious reference to James Bond, and Pierce Brosnan looking like he got his facial hair cues from Zeb Colter. In fact, let’s put up a pic of Zeb Colter in case you don’t watch much wrestling:
I’m fairly certain Zeb is just a vessel to move the moustache around.
And can you believe this isn’t even the most hilarious-sounding video I picked up that day? That would be Jill The Ripper, starring Dolph Lundgren.
D50 watches crap you’ve never heard of: Virtual Assassin
Every now and then, someone goes out of their way to make the next Blade Runner, because… they hate people, and electronics are not to be trusted.
Yeah, that’s about as good an intro as any for this. Here’s Virtual Assassin.
Because the more accurate title of “Hammy Terrorist” wasn’t nearly as appealing.